Of Music & Reconciliation
by KatjaLaRoux
Summary: Fenris is finally free of Danarius. But he still owes Hawke a conversation. / "Do you ever feel like we're negotiating with chaos, just for some sense of satisfaction?" (Oneshot. femHawke/Fenris.)


_**A/N:**_ Takes place during Act 3, just after the "Alone" mission. Rogue Hawke, romanced Fenris—the same Hawke and Fenris as "Of Tea & Home" and "Of Flowers & Jealousy." Each oneshot can stand alone, but if you want to read them in order they go: T&H, F&J, M&R. For SinsofMidnight's Writing Challenge: Prompt 8 "Songfic." In addition to a bit of game dialogue, I borrowed lyrics from Ani Difranco's "Overlap."

Also, there's nothing explicit, but sex is most definitely implied/alluded to. If anyone thinks I need to bump the rating, send me a PM.

* * *

Hawke reached up and ran her fingers through his sweat-damp hair, pushing a lock away from his face only to have it fall back again. She smiled as he shifted his weight and settled next to her. He dragged the blankets up and around them, brushed his lips against her temple, and turned his gaze to the ceiling.

"Do you ever feel like we're negotiating with chaos, just for some sense of satisfaction?" He asked.

Hawke was silent for a moment, considering the question.

"Every day," she said finally. "But sometimes it's worth it. I think we're worth it."

"As do I."

Hawke closed her eyes, letting those words wash over her. Even with everything else that had been said, she realized she still needed to hear that. She let her thoughts wander, recalling the rest of the evening, retracing the steps that had led them back to each other's side…

… … …

"I thought discovering my past would bring a sense of belonging, but I was wrong. Magic has tainted that, too. There is nothing for me to reclaim. I am alone."

Hawke didn't even have to think about her response. There was only one thing to say, only one thing that felt right.

"I'm here, Fenris."

He turned and tipped his head toward her. The smile he gave her then was heartbreaking, both grateful and miserable. He held her gaze for the briefest of moments, before turning away again.

… … …

Fingertips traced her collarbone, her skin singing in its wake. And when they drew a line down her sternum, between her breasts, she arched into the touch.

… … …

"We have never discussed what happened between us three years ago."

"You didn't want to talk about it," Hawke said, trying to ignore the sudden flash of hope.

"I felt like a fool," he said, standing and walking past her to the fireplace. "I thought it better if you hated me. I deserve no less…but it isn't better."

"I don't hate you." And when he didn't respond, she sighed. "I understand, Fenris. I always understood."

"It's not that simple, Hawke."

At his words, she stood and took a step towards him, her frustration thudding a dull rhythm against her chest.

"Isn't it?" She asked. "See, Fenris, I think it is. Either you don't have the balls or you don't feel the same. So which is it?"

He spun towards her, and the look in his eyes silenced the thudding completely.

"Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you."

… … …

Lips pressed against his skin, moving carefully, slowly across his abdomen. And when she let her teeth graze the bone of his hip, she felt him tremble beneath her.

… … …

Fenris hesitated, leaning away from her slightly. He frowned.

"Are you sure about this? About me?"

Hawke might have laughed, might have made a joke. But the air was around them was still heavy. She knew there were more questions, unspoken questions, underlying the ones he voiced. And she knew he needed to hear more than just a _yes_.

She nodded, placing a hand on his jaw.

"I know who you are Fenris. Even without knowing your past, I know _you_. And I know that, in some ways, we're very different. I know we don't always agree. But there is strength in the differences between us."

She slid her hand down to rest on his chest, just above his heart before adding, "And there is comfort where we overlap."

… … …

A hum grazed the soft skin on the inside of her knee, resonating through her entire body. And when he moved his mouth along her thigh, she could only whimper.

… … …

Hawke lay back on the bed and watched the play of light across his back, illuminating both skin and tattoos. He turned slowly, taking a half-step towards her, and she studied the curve of his thigh, the line of his shoulders, the angle of his ear.

"Stand still."

Fenris lifted his eyes to meet hers, but he didn't move. For a moment, neither did she, and slowly he raised one eyebrow in question.

"I can see your silhouette," she said by way of explanation.

"Hm." The noncommittal noise was the only response she got. He stood still for a moment, his eyes tracing her own features. And she grinned.

"I hope you've got all night."

He shook his head and walked purposefully towards her.

… … …

Her name came out in a gust of breath—not "Hawke," but her real name. And when he held her tighter and said it again, she felt the syllables echo against the hollow of her neck.

… … …

…Bringing herself back to the present, back to where she was lying side-by-side with Fenris, Hawke took a deep breath. She could taste him—leather, lyrium, and sweat—in the air as she inhaled. He was breathing steadily next to her, but she knew he was still awake.

When she spoke again, her voice was nearly a whisper, as if the softness of her voice might make her meaning less dangerous.

"Did you mean what you said before? About it being time to move forward?"

She opened her eyes when she felt him move and found him leaning over her again, his eyes intent on hers.

"If there is a future to be had," he said. "I would walk into it gladly at your side."


End file.
